Afraid of not making friends on your first day of College?

 I was terrified. I felt this gut-wreching feeling in my stomach and I know everything about me was wrong. I hated my outfit the moment I stepped out the door and I couldn't find a single reason why people would like to be my friend. 

I started college last week. I don't have a roomate, and neither did I go to the same classes as any of my friends, so, even if I could see them around campus, I was nowhere near them most of the time. The morning classes started I knew something was wrong. I put on this cute baby blue top with jeans, and white converse. My hair was curly and tied back with a scrunchie. I carried a cute tote bag I felt embarrased of when I saw other girls were already carrying purses. I felt stupid. Everyone was so prepared, so old, so cool. I was soo uncool. 

When I got to my first class, I sat alone in middle row because I figured it would be the best place to make friends. Not too at the back, not at the front like a teacher's pet. I sat there, put down my tote bag and pulled out my phone. I was 15 minutes early. I saw people walking in and out, seats being taken and the empty space beside me only felt loniner.

I should've seated next to someone. I thought. Be the one to start the conversation. I shouldn't wait for someone to do it for me. 

Making friends is about taking firsts steps. It's awkward at first, I know. But someone has to do it. Someone has to get up, sit down beside another person and talk about anything. That's how friendships get made. 

You may thing, oh I'll probably bother them if I sit with them, or maybe, oh they already have friends, I shouldn't get with them. We always expect other to be terrible, cruel, mean, even. But this is college. People come here to make friends, meet people, create memories. Most aren't even interested in their degree. And think about it, how many times has a new person sat beside you and you've thought, oh, how annoying. Your answer is probably never. 

If there's a problem in isolation nowadays isn't because people refuse to get along with other students, but because they're scared to be the one to take that big scary first step. That step that feels like you might fall down from the highest building ever, like you're taking off your clothes and taking to them naked. That step that might feel like the most humiliating ever. 

The bravest step.

I should've been the one to take that first step. I was so convinced on doing it, it should've been me. But it wasn't. Just as I was about to turn around and talk to the girl behind me, I was aproached by two others who looked as lost as me. 

And, let me tell you, they were the nicest people ever.

For the sake of their privacy, I'll just call them M and Z if I talk about them on later posts. Well, they only know each other from being classmates, so they weren't that close either. The good thing about making one friend in college is that one friend can connect you to a hundred more.

More specifically, Z and M introduced me to ten new girls that, although they didn't turn out to be as close as my girls, were quite nice and aproachable. We all passed around our instagrams, because only a few in the group knew each other, and started chatting about how lost we were.

I didn't reach the end of my morning with ten new friends. Nowhere near that. That would be inhumane and I admire whoever who can achieve that. But I did end up my morning having lunch with M and thinking that maybe, maybe, college isn't so bad afterall.

PRIMA: is this album the start of a popstar?

PRIMA by ADELÁ was released this past Friday, September 4th, following weeks of anticipation built up by her viral single, "Ain't in LA.". This track, which stands as the absolute peak of the album for me, offers comfort to girls living outside of mainstream hubs while reviving the exact 2000s vibe we've all been yearning for. It is an anthem for unity and girlhood—and a definitive 10/10 in my book.The rest of the album beautifully sustains the Y2K, bubblegum-pink aesthetic introduced by "Ain't in LA." After spinning the record a couple of times, I couldn't help but feel that it strikes a perfect balance between nostalgic familiarity and genuine innovation. That blend is exactly what today's music scene is missing. It doesn’t feel entirely alien; you can easily trace its influences and hear the early-2000s beats that transport you back in time, yet you always know it was crafted in 2026. While I'm no musician, if I had to position ADELÁ’s current sound, I would place her right alongside the likes of Addison Rae and Tate McRae.

The opening song, "KGB", gives you what it was promised with the aesthetic. It's messy, it's new, it's pop, it's raw. It's iconic. You can hear the pink through the music, you know from this track what the album is trying to do. 

"Nicole Kidman", the second song, plays tribute to the actress of the same name. We've already seen pop culture references like this one in "Aint in LA", so it's only natural that ADELÁ decides to lean into it once again. She's taking us to this nostalgic time in our life not only through sounds but referencing people and feeling both Millenials and Gen Z are familiar with. This track plays with a beautiful contrast, while the vocals are soft and precious, the beat and instrumental gives you what was missing to get it to that alt pop this album is filled with.

"Im the man" comes third. Although the vocals sound similar to the last one's, its instrumentals match the vibe, creating a dreamy soft pop, slower than the others. I couldn't help but find it similar to a song Doja Cat would make in 2021. Which I like about this record is that is directly translating the energy of pink to the music. Pink is soft and girly and can be seen as weak. But then you see fucsia and it's rough, it's loud  it's messy. This album plays with that contrast perfectly. Simillar to this one, we can find  "Red Bottoms", although with harder beats. 

"Boys" is, once again, a messy alt pop song. Honestly, I could see this playing on a club or party scene at a movie. What really makes this track special to me are the voices put over the music.  The yelling, the laughing. It makes this song feel distinct from the rest of the record. 

I did find some struggle listening to the mid and low tempo songs of this album. Her strenght are upbeat songs, they just suit her better. I'm not saying, though, that ADÉLA is uncapable to make a good ballad. I know she has the talent and voice, but in this record, they appeared to be the weakest tracks. Songs like "Hitachi" or "Therapy" just didn't stick out to me. After being inmersed in party and fun and songs that feel like a friday night, those two lacked enough production and depth to feel like anything else but a bland and disapointing monday morning. 

Overall this is a very well ballanced album. It leans perfectly into that messy girl without giving up being relatable, which is something many artists struggle with. Far from perfect, this album achieves a huge thing: being a great debut. Being ADÉLA's first record, it doesn’t need to be her best yet, but to establish what kind of artist she wants to be and leave room for improvement. 

After listening to it all day, I can confirm this album is a 8.5/10, although it could change with time. I'll also put you guys my ranking of the songs (as of today). 

And with that said, I'll drop it for today. 

Bye girls!!

My ranking:

1.Ain't in LA

2.Nicole Kidman

3.KGB

4. Boys

5. I'm the man

6. Fantasize

7. Red Bottoms

8. Marijuana

9. Starving Artist

10. Hitachi

11. Therapy

I wish I had been bullied.

I can't say I was ever bullied during my school years. I think the closest to bullying I've ever been was being mocked for the way I spoke to my dad. And that lasted for a day in fifth grade.

The truth is, I've always been a tough girl. I used to hit boys who were mean to me, and I've considered myself a feminist since I could talk. Girls loved me and boys were scared of me. All of that while wearing glittery kitten heels and a Disney princess shirt. I held the most awesome birthday parties where people were longing to be invited.

Then middle school came. Changing from my old elementary school shook me, and I went from being one of the coolest girls in my class, who everybody knew and everybody liked, to a literal nobody.

I used to think to myself, I am nice, I dress nice, I am girly, and I am friends with some popular girls. Popularity should just come handed to me, right? I couldn't have been more wrong.

I fell into invisibility as fast as other people rose to popularity. There was nothing I could do about it. Ghosted by old friends, turned down by new ones. I was excluded from every fun happening during my teenage years. I'd step into class and less and less people would greet me.

"She's a great girl," they'd say. "She's super sweet and smart."

But they'd never say anything else. Occasionally there'd be an "She's so funny," followed by anything else but an uncomfortable silence. That's how people knew me. Sweet. Smart. Funny. And drop it there.

I think that's what hit me the hardest. They never had anything bad to say about me. They liked me. They thought I was amusing and nice. So why then did I find myself with only a couple of friends and a lack of popularity? No one seemed to have a problem with me. No one was purposely hurting me. No one was bullying me or mocking me or leaving me out. They'd gladly talk to me if they had to, they'd smile at me, they'd like me.

So why did no one like me enough to be my friend?

This sick-like feeling came to me last June. I was scrolling through social media and, as usual, the feed did its thing. I was instantly flooded by thousands of pictures of old classmates posting high school's photo dumps for our graduation. What really stung me was the fact that no matter how close I thought I was with those people, I was in no pictures. Not even one.

I had gone to birthdays, I had gone to class trips, and I had surely taken some pictures with those people. I could see in my head the couple of pictures I had with them and other people on our graduation day and couldn't help but wonder if they just didn't like me. But I just couldn't be mad at them. They weren't my best friends. They weren't forced to post me at all times. No one is. They hadn't been mean to me, they'd help me when needed, and said goodbye with a hug.

I just couldn't be mad at them. I couldn't blame them for my loneliness. I couldn't say I had a bad high school experience because I was bullied. I just couldn't because it was nowhere close to the truth. I had spent my high school days without going to a single party, without being included in any gossip going around, with no male attention.

There had to be something wrong with me.

It had to be me.

“Most people go through their whole lives, without ever really feeling that close with anyone.” - Sally Rooney

 Everyone seemed to be having what I didn't. They didn't exclude no one. I was the only one who seemed to be missing from all the fun. I was the only one who wanted to get in but just couldn't.

If someone had bullied me, I would've cried to my mom. I would've blamed it on them. I would've blamed it on the fact that this society can't accept someone different. I would've found comfort in other people who were bullied too. I would've known what's wrong with me. What makes me so unwanted. They would've pointed it out for me. I would've known. And I would've found comfort in knowing.

But I wasn't bullied. I never was, really.

And I think, maybe, there's this sick and twisted part of me that wishes I had been, so I could put this weight I have in my chest onto someone else. So I could have a villain. So the blame could escape my body and go to them. So it all has a reason.

If they bullied me, I could know that what was wrong was the environment.

But I wasn't. So my questions were unanswered, and that empty, shallow pit in my stomach grew into insecurities I never knew I had.

I don't think that when I was 15 and thinking all of this in my bedroom one afternoon I actually wanted people to hurt me in ways I couldn't imagine. I don't think when I was looking at graduation pictures that made me disappear into oblivion, I wanted to have suffered, to have been mocked or laughed at. I think, in the end, I just wanted that pit to disappear. I think that's all humans want, after all. To run from the unknown. To have all the answers in the world, to be able to tell why you weren't chosen, why you weren't enough.

And I think the not knowing is so much more heartbreaking than the bullying.

But here's the thing.

I don't think anyone knew why I was excluded. I doubt they knew they were forgetting about me. Sometimes people are excluded, sometimes people don't like you enough, and there's nothing you can do about it. No answers can change that because there's no answer. There's no why. No reason. No motivation to hurt you the way they did.

Sometimes girls grow up feeling unwanted. Sometimes girls grow up lonely.

Sometimes people just don't realize.

What computer should I get for college?

 Hi guys! I'm so excited to be writting on here, it's so cool that girlblogging is back like OMG. We gotta love the y2k vibe going around. I started following some girls and let me tell you their blogs are soooo cool!

Anyway. Let's get to it lol. My computer. Yeah, I gotta buy a computer for college. Sadly, mine is way too old, which sucks, cuz it's this cutsie pink second-hand macbook and I'm soooo sad I'm giving it up! Anyway, since I'm starting college and my computer has been failling for a year, I've decided I could get a new one. 

I thought about getting an ipad. I saw some people use it for college, and they say it's super usefull. I mean, I could get an ipad. I could use it to write aesthetic notes, plus, people say it's great to edit videos and social media. The problem is my writting. I actually need a computer for writting. It's just something I need in order to keep writting, so no, ipads aren't for me. 

Now, back to computers, it has to be a laptop. I mean, I want to take it to class and starbucks and everything. So yeah, it has to be a laptop. 

I've thought about getting another macbook. It was super cute and I'm used to the apps and everything. I wouldn't have to learn how to start using it again and I could use my old accesories. But my dad has been talking to me and he recommended me a chromebook. He told me it's super easy to use and you can use it both as a computer and an ipad. I've read about it and for my degree both work just fine, so now I don't know what to do! 

If I get a macbook I'll already be used to it and have a really cute working tool, but with the chromebook I'll have both an ipad and laptop, which is something I'm really excited about.

Could you guys help me out???

Bye babes! 

Love, Auds.